And the husband of year award goes to…
Antipholus E has finally decided it’s time to go home for dinner. He asks a merchant friend to cover for him since he’s so late and his wife will be mad. The friend agrees and then they all joke about how crazy Dromio E thought his master beat him in the mart, charged him a thousand gold pieces, and denied knowing his wife. Dromio E insists this did happen, but lets it go after Antipholus calls him an ass.
Antipholus E and his guests muse about the comforts of a welcoming home before finding the door to Antipholus’ house locked. Dromio E pounds on the door and calls out for several women who work in the home.
Dromio S tells him to go away from behind the closed door because he is clearly up to no good looking for that many ladies. Antipholus E demands to know who is keeping him out of his own house. Dromio S explains that he is Dromio. Dromio E finds this to be very frustrating. Luce, one of Adriana’s servants comes to see what all the racket is and then gets into it with the men outside. They cause such a ruckus that Adriana comes to the door. When she denies Antipholus E entrance, he assumes she must be in there with her lover.
He is about to break down the door when Balthazar, one of his friends, cautions restraint and tells him to leave and eat elsewhere. Antipholus decides he would rather dine with a courtesan he knows and give her the gold necklace he intended to give his wife. He tells the goldsmith, Angelo, to go get the chain and bring it to him at the courtesan’s house.
Luciana scolds Antipholus S for not being more attentive to his wife. The problem is Antipholus S does not love Adriana, a complete stranger. He loves Luciana, also a complete stranger. He tries to shower her in compliments, but she keeps telling him that this is wildly inappropriate and to go dote on her sister. He eventually makes her so uncomfortable that she leaves.
Dromio S comes to find Antipholus because he also has a new wife, and she is a rather large woman. After Dromio refers to her as a globe, they muse about where the different countries lie on her body, leading to an entertaining mix of fat jokes and sweet burns on different countries.
Once Antipholus S has had enough of the hilarity, he tells Dromio S to go down to the docks and see if they can get on a ship out of Ephesus that night.
After Dromio leaves and Antipholus pines for Luciana some more, Angelo returns with the gold chain. He gives it to a very confused Antipholus S and tells him that he can pay for it later. This seems generous to Antipholus, but, since it is by far the least crazy thing to happen to him today, he rolls with it and heads to the mart to find Dromio.